


Restraint

by Dalektable



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Attempted Seduction, Elf/Human Relationship(s), F/M, Failed Seduction, Kissing, Mild Sexual Content, Sexual Frustration, Virginity, mature themes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-02
Packaged: 2018-11-08 00:58:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,404
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11070720
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dalektable/pseuds/Dalektable
Summary: If he's holding back on her account, she doesn't want him to anymore.There are words on her tongue she knows better than to speak. Do you love me, they want to say, heavy in her mouth. Do you love me, they riot against her silence. It is a physical burden to hold her tongue. Do you love me? She knows her answer, does he know his?





	Restraint

Ellana Lavellan hadn't quite imagined her relationship with the commander would result in this much _frustration._ Every step she takes forward in their physical relationship, he steps out of the way. They're not necessarily in stasis, and they're not stalled. He's just moving very, _very_ slowly. She's spent the night in her own room taking care of herself after more than a few of their more kiss-heavy nights together.

Really, she can't be too frustrated with him. He's sweet—happy to talk with her for hours at night, letting the moonlight wash over them through the hole in his ceiling, kissing and touching ( though never where she wants it most ). And she _knows_ he wants her. ( She's certainly felt the evidence of that, as embarrassed as he was. )

She can only think of one reason he might be pulling away: he thinks she's a virgin, and wants to go slowly for her. Ellana doesn't know how to tell him otherwise; it isn't as though they've discussed their past trysts. But if he's holding back on her account, she doesn't _want_ him to anymore.

_That's it, Ellana,_ she tells herself, setting her posture straight, deciding to make her way to his office and seduce him right there, no matter the fact that it's still only mid-day. This is overdue; the inquisition can wait.

There's a fire in her eyes when she opens the door to find him hunched over his desk as always, and when he looks up, the smile she gives him is coy. “I need to borrow you,” she says, voice low in her chest and her mouth tilting up on one side.

He's more than happy to oblige her, crossing the room to meet her halfway, hands coming to rest at her waist and pull her in. She kisses him first, standing on her toes to wrap her arms around his neck and pull him down towards her. He kisses back like a man dying of thirst who's just come across a pool of cold water. “I was just thinking of you,” he says against her mouth when the kiss is over.

Ellana can feel his smile, and she returns the gesture with a nip to his lower lip and a kiss on his scar. “I missed you,” she says simply, pulling his lips back towards hers. His mouth is warm and wet, and as she pulls his lower lip into her mouth with her teeth, she gently turns them around and pulls him backwards until she hits his desk, promptly sitting on it and opening her legs to pull him between them, closer.

It's a more comfortable position for them than her craning her neck up and him hunched down, and it's one they've utilized before. If everything goes well, they may use it for more than just kisses. Cullen probably wants their first time to be unbearably romantic, she thinks. She might have shared that sentiment, had he not waited so incredibly long.

Their second time can be romantic. Eventually, she wants to take her time pulling him apart and putting him back together. For now, with his office door unlocked, and that damn scout always barging in with no regards to privacy, she kisses him hurriedly. She _wants_ him, desperately, and a quick dip in the river is all one needs to cool off, at least for a small while.

She kisses down his neck, pausing one or twice to nip in places she knows will draw a strangled moan from him, hands steadied on his shoulders. She can see the flush rise in his neck and to his face, feels him grow aroused where he stands between her legs. There is no distance between them there, and she can't help but push her hips up to brush against him.

“Isalan hima sa i’na,” she tells him, lips brushing against his skin.

“What does that mean?” he asks, pulling back to pant against her neck. How is it that he can look so attractive while so disheveled?

“Why don't I show you?” she says, sliding one hand from his shoulder to his chest and downward, intentions clear. When her hand reaches the waistband of his pants, Cullen's hand reaches out to stop it.

“Not now,” he says, breathing a little too strained, and when she looks at him, his pupils are blown wide. Ellana exhales, more frustrated with the situation than she is with him. Being rejected stings, and she doesn't understand why he so clearly wants her, but won't do anything about it.

“I'm twenty-seven,” she says, putting her free hand in her already-messy hair. Her voice is harsher than she intends it to be. “Do you think I haven't done this before?” She punctuates her own point by looking up at him through her lashes, eyes heavy-lidded, as if it will change his mind to see her looking wanton and flushed.

Cullen stares back at her, seemingly lost for words. His gaze shifts towards the floor, and he releases the hand he still has grasped in his own. “I--” He runs his hand through his hair, once, and can't seem to meet her eyes. “I _haven't._ ”

Oh. _Oh._ She realizes now the cause of his hesitance, and simultaneously, her own mistake. _Don't put your foot in your mouth,_ she tells herself, right before she does just that.

“How? You're--” she gestures at him, up and down. “--you look like _this.”_ She means it as a compliment; he's a gorgeous man, and she can't help but be surprised that he's never had sex before. Cullen, however, flinches and looks away from her, drawing his body back to create a physical space between them. The empty air seems to echo like the rift she's suddenly afraid she's created in their relationship.

“I was only nineteen when Kinloch Hold fell apart. Before that, I was too young. After--” he doesn't need to finish that sentence. She knows. He knows. “I hadn't _wanted_ a relationship until now.” He shrugs, as if nonchalant, but she can see the tension in his shoulders.

“I've never found casual sex appealing. Having been in the Chantry for so long, I couldn't bring myself to sleep with anyone I didn't love.”

There are words on her tongue she knows better than to speak. _Do you love me,_ they want to say, heavy in her mouth. _Do you love me,_ they riot against her silence. It is a physical burden to hold her tongue. _Do you love me?_ She knows her answer, does he know his? With this new revelation, she's afraid to ask. Instead, slowly, she nods. “I think I understand.”

Their experiences clash at times. It isn't as though she hadn't expected it. His childhood in the Chantry, and before that, an Andrastian home, conflicts with her life with the Dalish. He'd been taught some kind of bizarre chastity, while she had been encouraged to experiment, within reason, and only settle down with a nice Dalish man she could truly care for ( if not love, but love is not necessary to further their race—love, she had been taught, can come later. ) during the course of their lives.

He keeps his small distance from her, and Ellana knows she needs to speak her apology, not imply it. “I'm sorry, Cullen. I didn't mean to hurt you, or embarrass you.”

“I'm not embarrassed,” he says, quietly, and it doesn't sound like the whole truth. Ellana knows how men are, and that her words had probably seemed callous.

“But my words _have_ hurt you. Vhen'an'ara, I'm sorry,” she brushes the back of her palm along his cheek, then brings one of his hands to her mouth to press a kiss there. He doesn't ask what the endearment means. She is glad for it. 

"I should have told you sooner," he says, and his words come honest. "I should have known you would have thought--Maker, what you must have thought."

She wants to tell him he is no lesser of a man for it, that he has been wonderful and she will wait forever if he needs it.

She doesn't say these things.

Instead, Ellana takes his hands in hers, “I've never been with a human man, so when you're ready, it'll be a first for both of us.” Cullen smiles and kisses her, finally bringing his body closer to hers again. She will wait. He knows.

**Author's Note:**

> I know not a lot of people write virginal Cullen, but I find the idea to be so fascinating. I think from what I've seen, a lot of the argument against Cullen being a virgin is that he's attractive and/or cocky and/or too old, and that's really unfair. Plenty of attractive people are virgins for a long time due to either not wanting to/not being ready to/being too awkward. 
> 
> Cullen, in particular, has a lot of trauma, and it happened to him while he was so young. He seems to me like the time to withdraw into himself, rather than find his sanity in others. And I highly doubt he was sneaking around with fellow recruits while in training; although that's just a personal thought about his character. ( I do write him as bisexual, though, so the fact that women in the templars were probably scarcer than men doesn't mean much here. )
> 
> I just think that the idea of him not having his first time until he's in his thirties is interesting. It fits his character, in my opinion, and in a way much different from how Alistair's virginity fit /his/ character. Everything he does is serious: this would include relationships, and the physical side of relationships. I doubt he had much time for those. By the time he would have come to a place where he could deal with his PTSD, there was too much chaos in Kirkwall for it to really be the right time to start a relationship, and he doesn't seem one for casual dating. 
> 
> I also like to try and flip expectations. I like the idea of the woman being the experienced one, and the man being virginal. 
> 
> Anyway, those are just my two cents, along with some words in fiction form about my two cents. Let me know what you think, because I'd love to hear it.


End file.
